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Getting Credit I’m reminded of a quote from 1988’s gang epic, Colors: “See, man? That’s what makes this country great: credit. You got American Express, and I got you.” You would think when the microwave blows up there’d be some sort of terrific explosion. Instead, it just stopped working. I suppose that’s good. I didn’t need the cabinets blasted all over the kitchen. But maybe T.S. Elliot was right when he wrote that the world ends “not with a bang, but a whimper.” As true as that might be for microwave ovens, it didn’t change the fact that we found ourselves needing to make a major purchase at a time when cash is, to understate it just a bit, tight. Hemmed in by financial concerns, we bought a cheap one. But even a cheap microwave is $300, especially if you want it installed. (And the wife wouldn’t let me save the money and install it myself, going so far as to enlist the saleslady for assistance.) But America is great. We’ll give credit to almost anyone – even schmuck writers who think they know more than they actually do about installing microwaves. Faster than I could say, “Honey, let’s have you apply,” we had a credit application in front of us and were writing furiously. Moments later, Jennifer’s excellent record had us approved (for enough to get a whole new kitchen), and we were setting an appointment for the installation. Days later, as I drove home to view the newly installed appliance, I blew out one of the tires on my truck. With 90,000+ miles on the old boy, it needed four new tires, not two. So there we were at the tire store, and damned if they didn’t have six months-no interest financing available. “You know what to do,” I said as I handed the application to Jennifer. That’s when GE Capital Loans suspected us of identity theft. Jennifer had to confirm that we were not cyber-criminals, just a down-on-their-luck married couple. But we got the credit. Now I have four new tires and a shiny microwave financed. Now I’m a real American. As long as I pay it off within the terms of the agreement. Otherwise, they’ll slap that 22% interest on the entire balance on me quicker than you can laugh at my misfortune. But it’s no problem. The payments are manageable and spread out. That’s the whole idea behind credit. Everything will be copasetic. Except that Jennifer’s noticed the tires on her car aren’t really getting a lot of traction in all this snow. Ain’t America great? |
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