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Silly, Old Man One of the infuriating things about children is their inability to believe an adult might understand their problems and be able to help. No adult has ever lived through the traumas a child has. We went shopping for a present for Onna’s new pal. This girl’s mother told me she liked anything with Bobby Jack (a very hip kids’ fashion brand featuring a cartoon monkey for those of you not plugged into the pre-teen scene) on it. Now, I thought that a little strange to begin with. I thought it would be weird to get clothes from a friend if you’re only 10, to say nothing of the fact that Bobby Jack clothes are a little pricey. But I went out hoping for a sale. Indeed, we found a Bobby Jack t-shirt with the legend “Best Friends 4-Ever” on it, being blown out for a mere seven bucks, and I thought we’d hit paydirt. Then Onna brought over a cubic zirconia pendant. Needless to say, I was surprised. I was about to say okay, when Jennifer vetoed the idea. She felt it wasn’t appropriate, and, after thinking about it, I agreed. Sure it was cheap, but it was the sort of thing a boy gives a girlfriend, which I explained to a sullen Onna. We looked elsewhere, but everywhere it was the same. Jennifer and I picked out some kid-like jewelry, which Onna declined thinking it was too “little girlish.” Then she tried to get another piece of girlfriend-like jewelry, only to be denied by her mother. Perhaps because I’m too liberal, a thought occurred to me. So I finally asked Onna if she had a crush on this girl. I was immediately dismissed as being gross (which was something of a relief – at the age of nine, I don’t want her having a crush on anyone, male or female), but it caused me to ask her what was going on then. She finally told me she wanted to really impress this girl, because she isn’t getting along with her other friends as well at the moment. Evidently, she is the first nine-year-old to ever have this problem, and no adult could possibly hope to understand it. After giving her the standard you-can’t-buy-love talk and sympathizing with her about the issues she was having with her friends, I took her out, and we found something appropriate. I also explained to her that I wasn’t as stupid as she thought I was. I may have missed the mark on the cause of her stress, but I was smart enough to recognize something was going on (buying a birthday present for a friend had never been this big of an issue). Naturally, she tromped away with a dismissive, “Okay!” and went off to play, convinced I was just some silly, old man who thought he knew more than he did. Lesson not learned. I am just a silly, old man. I have no ability to understand children. If I had once been nine years old myself, I might have had a chance. But evidently I was pulled from a vat at the age of 36, fully formed and never having encountered the troubles of youth. It’s too bad. I feel certain I could have helped. |
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