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Hollow Victory “John’s not very handy.” Longtime readers of this column know that is one of Jennifer’s catchphrases around the house. One need only recall the horrible GFI incident to see reinforcement of this thesis. As a good husband, though, I am constantly seeking to better myself. I strive to improve on my shortcomings. An opportunity arrived in the form of a broken desk drawer. It was sticking badly. I set myself to fixing this problem. After a brief examination, it was obvious what the trouble was. The runners were damaged. One of them was splintering, and they both were coming free of their mounts. Turning the desk over, I pried them free, and then set about gluing the splintered one. A friend’s a modeler, and he had this amazing epoxy that would be stronger than the wood once it dried. When it had set, I returned to the desk, and hammered the runners back into place. I measured to make sure they would be far enough apart to allow the drawer to run smoothly while being close enough together the fit would be snug. When I was finished, the drawer drew back and forth perfectly. It was just as though the original builder – an expert craftsman, no doubt – had done the job. It was like new. Huzzah! John’s a little handier than previously thought. There are just two problems with this triumph. First, I will be expected to repeat it. The next time something is broken, this same level of skill and success will be expected of me. I’ll have to prove I didn’t just get lucky. Fate will intervene to prove I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Second, the desk in question doesn’t belong to us. It’s the community theater’s. I performed this miraculous repair while building a set. No one in the family benefited from my work. Thus, I wasted my glorious victory. So I still won’t get any credit for being handy. No one here (most importantly, Jennifer) saw me pull off this repair. And, with my luck, my next job here will go as badly as installing the garbage disposal did. But there was that moment when I did everything right. I, at least, will know about it. If only that was all that mattered. |
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